I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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