If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
