I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
