hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.