I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today