I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me