I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao