I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are not precious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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