I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone