I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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