wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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