This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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