How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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