my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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