I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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