Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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