apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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