I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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