I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
