when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you bring me the toilet please
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
