were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
