I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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