You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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