It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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