How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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