Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
