Swine flu. Run for my life!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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