we should wear snuggies to the strip club
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
