my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
