I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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