dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
