I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
