I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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