I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
