Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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