i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
