Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
