then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
