OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
