no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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