its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
