i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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