He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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