Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
