you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
