Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
