My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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