Porn is love you can see.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
