I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
