i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
