Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
