who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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