i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
