i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
