She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
