I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
