In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
