You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
