I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm at about main and main street
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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