her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im six kinds of drunk right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
