fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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