Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am mentally ready for anal.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
