hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
