You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
