The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
