bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
