I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
